Finding your mom friends
Finding mom friends can be surprisingly difficult. I was one of the first of my local close friends to have a baby, so it was a bit daunting not having that support network going in. You quickly realize from the start in pregnancy that you need those other moms to turn to for personal advice on everything from what to buy to reality checks on is it normal to have to roll out of bed in the morning using our arms for support cause you have zero core strength (it is).
And when you finally go to make those new friends, whether it be through mutual friends or some old fashioned friendliness when out with the new babe, sometimes you can be too overstimulated to even make the real connection. I found myself trying to soothe my crying son, then wrangling a toddler, while attempting to maintain a conversation with someone I just met, all while mentally calculating when my son’s next nap or feeding should start. It’s a lot.
Why It’s Harder Than It Looks
You’re operating on limited bandwidth.
New motherhood demands so much of you physically, emotionally, mentally. Even on your best days, showing up socially can feel like a lot. The thought of planning a meet-up or walking into a mom group for the first time can be overwhelming and honestly the last thing you’re looking to do.
Your schedule is unpredictable.
Babies aren’t exactly known for sticking to plans. Just when you think you’ve found time to get out… a blowout happens. Or a nap goes off schedule. Or you’re just too exhausted to leave the house.
Everyone’s journey looks different.
Some moms fall into a community naturally—maybe they’re neighbours with similarly aged babies or maybe they’re old friends who had kids at the same time. Others have to work harder to find their people which was the case for me. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it simply means your path to finding that connection is different.
Where Community Can Begin
Local mom groups or baby classes
Sometimes all it takes is one smile from across a room to spark a connection. Baby music classes, library story time, postpartum fitness groups, and parenting workshops can be great places to start. Although don’t be let down if you don’t find your people there. Often times I and other moms are just too worn down or overstimulated themselves to socialize. It’s nothing personal.
Online
If in-person feels intimidating at first, online can be a good first step. Local parent Facebook groups, WhatsApp groups, and apps for new moms like Peanut in the UK can help you find people in your area who are also looking to connect.
Peanut was the one that really worked for me, much better than any class. It’s a bit of a strange feeling going on essentially a dating app to find moms with a tinder like swipes right / left, but I found a handful of great friends on there so give it a try.
Your existing friendships
Sometimes community looks like reconnecting with old friends or asking for friends of friends, especially those who understand what you’re going through. Even if you’re on different paths, supportive conversation can still offer comfort and grounding.
Give Yourself Time (and Grace)
Finding community as a new mom doesn’t always happen right away. It might take weeks. Or months. It might take trying a few groups before one feels right. It might mean showing up somewhere, leaving early, and trying again another time.
And that’s okay.
You’re not just “making friends,” you’re rebuilding a new version of your social life during a completely new season of your identity. That takes courage. It also takes patience and gentleness with yourself.
Remember: You’re Not Alone
So many new moms feel isolated, even the ones who seem to have it all together. Community isn’t about doing motherhood perfectly; it’s about having people who understand when things feel messy and overwhelming.
If you’re still searching for your people, just know that it takes time and effort. It honestly took me close to when my son was a year old to fully feel like I had solid mom friend relationships I could count on. What I can say is that it makes a world of difference to have those few that you can turn to for advice and company so don’t give up! Your people are out there looking for you too.
