Finding your community
Becoming a mother is one of the most transformative experiences in life. Almost overnight, your routines, priorities, and sense of self shift. Amid the sleepless nights, the constant feeding, the diaper changes, and the emotional highs and lows, there’s a quiet longing many new moms feel but rarely talk about: the need for community.
Finding your people as a new mom can be surprisingly difficult. You may have imagined effortless stroller walks with other moms, cozy playdates, and instant friendships forged over shared experiences. But the reality? It often looks more like juggling your baby in one arm, cold coffee in the other, and trying to maintain a conversation with someone you just met while mentally calculating when the next nap window starts.
Why It’s Harder Than It Looks
You’re operating on limited bandwidth.
New motherhood demands so much of you—physically, emotionally, mentally. Even on your best days, showing up socially can feel like running a marathon. The thought of planning a meet-up or walking into a mom group for the first time can be overwhelming.
Your schedule is unpredictable.
Babies aren’t exactly known for sticking to plans. Just when you think you’ve found time to get out… a blowout happens. Or a nap goes off schedule. Or you’re just too exhausted to leave the house.
Everyone’s journey looks different.
Some moms fall into a community naturally—maybe they’re neighbors with similarly aged babies or maybe they’re old friends who had kids at the same time. Others have to work harder to find their people. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it simply means your path is different.
Where Community Can Begin
Local mom groups or baby classes
Sometimes all it takes is one smile from across a room to spark a connection. Baby music classes, library story time, postpartum fitness groups, and parenting workshops can be great places to start.
Online
If in-person feels intimidating at first, online can be a gentle first step. Local parent Facebook groups, chat threads, and apps for new moms like Peanut in the UK can help you find people in your area who are also looking to connect.
Your existing relationships
Sometimes community looks like reconnecting with old friends—especially those who understand what you’re going through. Even if you’re on different paths, supportive conversation can still offer comfort and grounding.
Give Yourself Time (and Grace)
Finding community as a new mom doesn’t always happen right away. It might take weeks. Or months. It might take trying a few groups before one feels right. It might mean showing up somewhere, leaving early, and trying again another time.
And that’s okay.
You’re not just “making friends,” you’re rebuilding a new version of your social life during a completely new season of your identity. That takes courage. It also takes patience and gentleness with yourself.
Remember: You’re Not Alone
So many new moms feel isolated, even the ones who seem to have it all together. Community isn’t about doing motherhood perfectly; it’s about having people who understand when things feel messy and overwhelming.
If you’re still searching for your people, keep going, slowly and kindly. It honestly took me close to when my son was a year old to fully feel like I had solid mom friend relationships I could count on. You, and your baby, deserve to be surrounded by support, understanding, and connection. And when that community begins to take shape after a good amount of effort and putting yourself out there, it will feel like a breath of fresh air.
Until then, be gentle with yourself. You’re doing more than you think and you’re doing it beautifully.
