Sharing the Big News
Finding out
It was the morning of September 7th 2023. Only a week after coming back from our honeymoon and three weeks from our wedding day. It was something I had wanted to happen, but was nervous for nonetheless as someone who never had a baby before. And while I had purchased the pregnancy tests in anticipation for a missed period, I wound up taking it even before that based on a dream my friend had. I’m not particularly mystic or like that, but he hadn’t texted me like that before so I was intrigued. That morning he messaged me first thing asking if I was pregnant since he had a dream that I was holding a baby girl and the last time he had a dream like that was with his brother and it came true. Having the pregnancy tests on hand I figured why not.
Cautious, hopeful and nervously I took the at home test, the one with the digital screen that would either read ‘Pregnant’ or ‘Not Pregnant’, leaving no room for the tedious interpretation of faint lines. With baited breath I waited for the little screen to make a decision. My friend was right. ‘Pregnant’ popped up. The first feeling was surreal almost. This is actually happening. It’s something I wanted and felt very fortunate to have it happen this way which I’m eternally grateful for, especially knowing many stories from close friends and those around me who have struggled with their fertility. Then my mind switched into pragmatic mode. It’s a way I tend to handle big life moments, slowing down and trying to figure out logical next steps. With something so life changing, it was almost too much to process and believe in a way.
Who I told, when and how
First up was obviously my husband, but the when was a little less clear to me. He had a big final interview for a job in a couple of hours that he was preparing for and news like this would surely be a bit of a curveball to say the least. So I made the decision to keep it to myself until after his work day. For a full 10 hours I kept this precious news a complete secret, which felt both exciting and isolating. While he was at work I found time to duck out to buy a pair of baby booties, which I gave to him with a note, which was a very sweet moment and a cute memento to have.
Next on my priority list was our parents, but I wanted to make sure this was really happening and to get looked at by professionals to confirm the pregnancy first so I told them after our first midwife appointment which happened at 8 weeks. Since my parents live in Boston and my husband’s parents live in France, we FaceTimed them separately, holding up the baby booties I gave my husband till they put two and two together very quickly.
And what about my fortune telling friend who texted me and prompted the test? When he texted me on the day I just said ‘imagine that’ to his spot-on inquiry in order to deflect, not lying but not revealing the truth. It was only at around 14 weeks that he found out along with my other close friends when I told them at a dinner and he of course gave me a big ‘I knew it!’
Lastly there was work, and I decided to wait until around 20 weeks pregnant which is when in the UK you can typically get your MAT B1 form from your midwife or doctor to provide to your employer. 15 weeks before due date is the legal deadline to inform your employer you are pregnant if you are entitled to maternity leave. (More on pregnant employee rights in the UK here.) To tell them, I scheduled a catch-up meeting with my boss to let her know first in person, which I’d highly recommend, and then wrote a follow-up email so that they had it in writing as per the law.
Determining what’s right for you
I read all the blog posts and mom threads suggesting who to tell and when, but as with many things in motherhood, it’s up to you and your personal decision. On the cautious side, some suggest waiting until after the first scan around 12 weeks and end of first trimester to share the news more widely as the risk of miscarriage reduces after that point. I chose to play it very safe by waiting that long with most people. I’m a fairly private person and wanted to feel secure and sure the pregnancy was going well before putting it out there. And maybe on some level I wanted to give myself some time to process it first. But with the subsequent I hope I have, I don’t think I’d wait as long to share the news since it’s such a special moment and feels amazing to have it out there and the support all around you from the earlier weeks.
